20 Things to make a job interview interesting…
Posted by: Allen Oz, in Editorial |I posted this before the original bullybones went down, it’s worth posting again I think.
1. Ask a clerk, “So how do I get your job?”
2. When asked why you want to work at said place, reply with, “Well, I looked at your business and said to myself, ‘How hard can it be?”
3. Show them a concealed weapon permit and give no less than four reasons why the store would be safer with you and your vigilante style justice there.
4. Bring lemonade in a small cup and after the interview say you took the liberty of preparing this for a drug test and hand it to the interviewer.
5. While waiting to talk with another manager see how many personal questions you can ask the interviewer before they get weirded out.
6. Stare blankly at anything that isn’t sexual. (Note: drakonskyr, you might want to skip this one or close your eyes.)
7. Either start doing aerobics during the interview or do them to the point of heavy, smelly sweat beforehand. Nothing beats the musky odor of sweat in a small room that already makes you nervous.
8. Start smoking.
9. Invite them to church.
10. Pause half way through the interview and ask if can you take your medication and do it in front of them. Do not reveal what said medication is for. Potential employers love nothing more than a mysterious employee.
11. Ask if they close on snow days or when their summer break is. (Note this works best if you are either really young or very old).
12. Dress better than the interviewer and make every opportunity to point it out to him in a roundabout way.
13. “Accidentally” replace your resume with an essay on how corporate capitalism is destroying america.
14. Bring a list of five immediate changes to the company you would make were you in charge. (This is actually a good one I got from a book, but still kind of risky in my opinion especially at interviewing stage. It is extremely risky when the words, “fire the GM” are included.)
15. Make all of your experience references into stories about some guy you know. (Example: I’ve never actually used a forklift, but I know a guy in my neighborhood who told me everything I need to know, so it’s all good.)
16. Bring a bluetooth earpiece and wear it but carry no phone. Every time you are bored, apologize, saying, “I’m sorry I have to take this.” And then start a fake conversation on the bluetooth about tonights dinner or something else boring to the interviewer.
17. Say you are in witness protection and that any paperwork on you needs to stay on the DL.
18. Pretend you are actually a secret identity for a superhero like spiderman. Ask about their ventilation system, ceiling windows, and how often DANGER STRIKES.
19. Act like you are obsessed with a celebrity. Bring back the conversation back to him or her like the worst game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.
20. Act like you have a cold and have a large hanky and place it on various spots on the table as close to the interviewer, without allowing them to catch on.