bullybones

Why I am writing to you about relationships

First things first, just like anything else worth having there is no magical, wiggle your nose, rub on a bottle, special answer to a lasting relationship. What works for one couple may or may not work for the next. Relationships are perhaps one of the most mystical things since Adam and Eve. This would explain the massive quantities of information available on this topic. So why am I writing about this? I really couldn’t say: maybe because I value my relationship over anything in my life. Maybe it is because of the countless times I have spent with a good friend, male or female, drinking a cold beverage, over barely touched chips, and slowly burning cigarette butts trying to console or just make sense of the relationship that friend is in… in the end I have decided that I am at least a good listener and I have certainly given out my fair share of advice. They say teaching is the best way to learn in the end I have decided that I might actually be good now enough to share. I will start with my own experiences.

Early Days: What I know from experience

Like many from the late 70’s on, I am the child of a divorced couple. DIVORCE before that time was almost unthinkable. I really think as a nation we need to get back to that time, but that bridge has already been burned. At seventeen I married my high school sweetheart in a courthouse, justice of the peace, wedding because my mother couldn’t fathom the idea of her little girl living in sin. My very jaded, but loving father, on the other hand, thought that I should live in sin and see just what all this relationship business was about. He didn’t learn about the courthouse wedding until a year later after he paid for the church, flowers, bridesmaids, dinners, etc. A year later when my high school sweetheart and I could no longer bear the sight of our once too sexy selves, my father imbibed large amounts of cheap beer as I announced my intentions to file for divorce and head for the city of Angels (the magical cure which remember doesn’t exist).

After a year of LA, I humbly drug myself home on a Greyhound bus and pitifully ask pops for a job. He cautiously agreed and all was well, until… until my work mate decided to hook me up with this really cute foreign guy. NO, two simple letters, was never good enough for Bijan, because I said “NO”, emphatically. Yet, he slyly arranged a date, and with the same craftiness somehow weaseled his way into my life, and before I knew it we were shacking up, as the old folks called it. We had some sort of marriage ceremony that is recognized in his culture, but basically amounted to nothing. He was abusive, controlling, mentally unbalanced, a drug user, and almost impossible to escape. Two years of counseling later he lost his grip, and I slowly regained mine. There were a couple of bumps along the way. One resulted in my beautiful, wonderful son, so it is all good.

Today, marks nearly 18 years of harmonious, yet realistic years of fun, frolicking and fighting with my Skooter. When I look back, I am not sure how it happened, but I think I have some ideas. These ideas along with those of my dear friends on Xanga I am going to share with you.

Before I give my advice:

These are the things that you said were most important to a relationship. I think you will find these to be characteristics we all agree on. It is amazing that no matter what walk of life we come from we all believe the same things to be true… Here they are in no particular order.

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I hate it when I can not depend on the people closest to me to come through for me. As some of you know that read my blog J and I have a pretty good thing going on. BUT… he is still a man and there are such huge differences between men and women that these very differences are bound to work their way into even our relationship. In my opinion… men are brain damaged and there is not a damn thing we can do about it. Over time we learn how to redirect some of their thought processes to other parts of there brain therein “training” them. However, as you girls know, they are just funda”mentally” aliens.

Did I mention they are also psychic? As I am writing this and generally every time I am writing or thinking intensely about him he calls… Jesus Christ! My phone is ringing and it is him – I swear to god! See! I am upgrading men to psychic aliens.

“What are ya doing?” he said in a very curious tone. Somehow he knows I am talking about him! Oh well.

What’s the big attraction to these aliens? Well we all know the answer to that. Their wallets and what ever else in their pants we find interesting and/or exciting. Yeah I know, there is much more to a relationship than that! If J and I never did anything but touch each other life would be perfect. I can picture it in my head so clearly. Candle’s, rose petal’s, bubble bath’s, massage’s, romantic dinner’s, jewelry. But who thinks of these things most of the time? How many of you have had to plant one or more of these ideas in your man’s head? Whether it was via an advertisement you left lying around, a vague comment added in the middle of a sentence for subliminal affect, having a friend mention something to him when it is getting close to a special occasion…

You get the picture. We do it – but every once in awhile these mysterious aliens take us off guard and actually surprise us with an idea that was all their own.

Actually J is really good about the romantic stuff. Loves candle’s, offers massage’s, poetry etc. He is also a great communicator when he wants to be. This is key. Our relationship rule is to always spill your guts. Keep the other person informed. Throughout our relationship his communication skills have been sporadic. Not coming home for dinner the other night and calling me at midnight to see if it is still ok to come home is one example. This is inconsiderate and just WRONG! This is not what has me ranting about him and men in general though. It gets worse!

So here is what happened…

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